Bastard's Thoughts

Well it’s been some time since I last wrote something here and, to be quite honest, I think that it could be time for some new P.O.L.

First of all, I’d like to thank all my chineese and russian fans for spamming me continuously for the past half year, it’s your support and dedication that keeps the internet working and motivates me to write, a sincere thank you is in order. Of course, I will be reinstating spam filters and automatic isp notifications after I’m done writing, but still.

Now let’s return to what I wanted to say. Recently, I had an idea about developing a website. Maybe it was the lack of activity, boredom or being an all around great guy ( and if you, the reader, don’t select the last option as the reason I will do stuff to your connection – I KNOW WHO YOU ARE ) but I said “Hey, let’s give something to the internet community”. This manifested itself as a plan for a simple website knowledge base. As the internet is crawling with payed tutorial websites, most of them requiring a lot of know-how just to be understood, I would write simple and clear information for the every-day user. But wait, there’s more, I also thought that, seeing as this is a free service I will add a donation button, just for the fun of it. ( I know, I know, not setting it with a hidden window and automatic completion so that everybody gives me a donation by default is bad, but hey, I thought that being nice would work for this one occasion)

So first things first, I tried to register my domain name. Seeing as any .org or .com domain that had anything to do with the topic were already taken, I lost 2 days just finding a decent name. Next up, registration…I found the very cheap godaddy.com and proceeded to create an account and pay with my credit card. Now, the first thing that happened after I payed for the website was to receive an e-mail notifying me that, via a random username check-up, I would have to confirm my identity by sending some photocopies.

I said, what the hell, it’s not my nationality, for sure, it’s just…random…and proceeded to upload my photoID. 2 days later the account is still frozen and I am still waiting for a reply from their support line. Now I realize that my face is not that of a model’s ( now I was just being modest ) but still, to freeze up an entire support system…now that takes skill.

Now this being said, my domain is registered, thankfully, my servers are supporting the ns so, for what it’s worth, it’s working decently so far.

I developed the website and wanted to add a paypal button. Easy, right? Well, first off, I created an account and confirmed my credit card ( loosing 1E in the process, but gaining it back as 12.5DKK later ). After going through an entire ordeal for confirming my ID here too ( again, what is with me and random checkups, i prolly should try to play the lottery with random numbers, if my luck holds out I won’t even have to finish working on the website, ey? ) I was notified that I have to create a business account for a working donation button ( and by working I mean – if people donate I can get my money in the real world, not just keep it as virtual ascii currency online ). Easier said than done. I went to upgrade my account, knowing full well that I was not a BUSINESS but an INDIVIDUAL that just wanted, in case this ever happened, to get his donation money out in to the real world; but rules and procedures are rules and procedures ( and tautological statements are, very well, tautological in essence ) SO I completed their form and selected that I am an individual and all that.

Everything seemed to be working in order, until today when i received

Hello $name,

We need your help resolving an issue with your PayPal account.

What's the problem?

Your PayPal account is registered as a charity or non profit. We would like
some more information from you to help us understand your organization.

Case ID Number: $CASENUMBER-86

How you can help

It's usually pretty easy to take care of things like this. Most of the
time, we just need a little more information about your account or latest
transactions.

Please log in to your account and go to the Resolution Center to find out
what you need to do. If we don't hear from you by 3/8/2011, we may limit
what you can do with your account until the issue is resolved.

Naturally, I logged in to my account to check out what could be the reason for the issue

Now, you would think that, hell, confirming my ID and my credit card would be enough, but now ( besides the ridiculous message over the issues ) I had to send proof of tax exempt, bank statement, payment information and check e-mail papers.

Ok, let’s say that I can ignore the first 4 issues, due to their stupidity, but meh, let’s check the e-mail to see what documents are left, maybe they want a full sized scan of my penis, both erect and idle, sperm count, hair color, length and thickness etc etc etc so i went back to my e-mail, only to discover that the documents I have to send are the check your account documents. Naturally I sent pay pal a friendly e-mail asking them for more information and demanding, as they did, an ultimatum for their reply

Good day,

I have received a number of e-mails from you and am wondering exactly what do you need me to send.
First of all, while registering for a business account i selected INDIVIDUAL, as a result, and following the steps and help menus on your website, it seems to me that I don't have to have a tax exempt for my business seeing as, and i think i mentioned this before, i am an individual. The only reason that I did modify my account to a business one is to be able to have a simple donate button, so please, let me know exactly what do you need, relevant to the correct situation.

Second of all, while trying to understand what exactly is required from me, I noticed something on my account's page ( where you kindly notified me about my current account issues )" EU regulations require that we collect and confirm your account information by 1/1/1970. If you don't do so in time, PayPal is required by law to limit access to your account. When PayPal limits an account, your funds may be held until we've confirmed your identification per the UserAgreement.". I'm sorry to tell you that the date has passed for about 41 years and 2 months, and considering that I probably wasn't even a project in my parents' life, i think it would be rather hard to blame me for not giving you my identification BEFORE 1970.
So, as a conclusion, please try to let me know what RELEVANT information you require. At this point, I was asked to upload the following documents " check your e-mail account ", checking the e-mail account I was notified that I have to check the case page from my paypal account, and after checking my paypal account I was asked to... see the pattern here? If this situation is not fixed as soon as possible i'm afraid I will have to withdraw the entire sum of 12.5DKK that I have in my account and move my (INDIVIDUAL) business elsewhere, perhaps install a donation jar with a tax exemptform outside my window.

With respect,

Now I hope these guys won’t close my account, I’d hate to explain the fact that they have a shit system and that, although I think I remember giving them my birth date  ( along with my scanned id card ), asking me to give them my information before 1st of january 1970 will (have been) rather dificult. Legaly speaking, I doubt that THEY were in business at that time so…is this some sort of time-shift paradox?

Shall keep you posted

/BOFH

Posted in BOFH, Going Mental, POL | 2 Comments »

I remember when I was a little kid and got into the entire bofh/computer/it/lolzor industry. I think it was about 14-15 years ago (?) I think i was 7 or 8 at the time and my father just got me a PC. I was stuck on the HC versions drawing circles and lines on the old TV, hogging it from my parents and not letting them enjoy the brand new opportunity of seeing TV shows more than 2 hours/day.
First thing my dad did after buying it was to take me to Unirea to buy a computer game ( Another World TM if I remember correctly ), first thing I did was destroy the O.S.
At that particular time the IT personnel market was rather dim but I was lucky enough to find Mr Flop. He was my dad’s friend and he (un)willingly came each week to fix my PC. I think i was a handful. I sincerely wanted to see how he does it so sometimes I just deleted random stuff.

It was with him that i first saw a modem and a connection, the first signs of piracy and much more. It was then that I decided what I want to do when I grow up.
After a few years I got my first internet connection ( GOD BLESS XNET – 16k connection, 256 color, grayscale PRON ), the first suicidal thoughts at 14 hating winmodems and looking stupid at a shop asking for an external one.

After a couple of years I got my first IT <> job and went on to do more great things ( like this blog )
The point I’m trying to make here is an easy one, and although I could have skiped the foreplay via endless rants of my childhood, I chose not to; back to the subject at hand, the point is that you should never give up on what you want, it’s always worth it.

{E.o.R.}

Posted in Going Mental, POL | No Comments »

Hello dear Chinese and Russian spammers ( the only persons that read my blog apparently -> checked the logs <- ) . Without adding to the already unnecessary introduction I give you this, today in my eyes

I woke up to go to work, seeing that my better half was in a good morning mood ( well she actually wasn’t awake, per say, but somewhat conscious ) I got that as a start for a good day. Last night I parked my car closer to where we live so ofcourse I was expecting a reaction for my dim-witted action. I got it in the form of a long key hello on my newly fixed car’s left side.  Well at least now it goes with the scratch on the other side, not the same colour but as I told Jordan, I’ve always wanted a multi-coloured car, now I have it.

Went to work, where I found out the true meaning of boredom. I’m not the official bofh there but hell, I just had to do it. Seeing the Korean GM name-tagged Diana from a mistake on the PBX is truly priceless.

After the long 4h of work Jordan told me that she found somebody even stupider than our neighbours ( and trust me, I’ve never believed that a primate can stoop that low. ) Her mum’s neighbours installed a webcam to monitor the stray cats from their backyard. Guys, let me give you a tip here, THE CATS ARE STRAY, although natural selection is not fair ( you guys can be called, by social standards, people ) they won’t die if you don’t feed them and encourage them to pee everywhere. If you like them that much take them in ( thus un-straying them ) . You will solve the neighbourhood cat issue, get friendly neighbours outside your house and no robbers ( or any other people ) inside – 10x cat pee yummm. I can only imagine that you like the ammoniac smell that much anyway, so why wouldn’t you do it ? Is it because you love it so much when they shit on your welcome mat ?

Finally getting home today ( again ) I got a call from the IT manager. To make a clear-up, when I say work I mean that my company gets paid $$$ to send me to do some random shit for other companies;when I say the IT manager, I am refereeing  to the guy that pays the bills. So anyway, the guy tells me that although they need my companies’ services there and although they like me, the GM can’t pay us for the full 5 days, but he feels guilty so he will pay me instead. What could I do now ? I cba ignore that so I took the money.

Basically, I got paid for drinking coffee, waking up at 7:30 and helping a user fix the microwave oven. I think that the latter was the key. Anyway I’ve got a fun idea for money investment right now.

Again, I go towards home, wondering what is going to happen next, the answer soon comes: nowhere to park. FUCK IT, I move my car out back to where it’s safe. Safe for the car, not for pedestrians. The place is packed with dogs ( this being one of the reasons I park somewhere else when Jordan is near ) I cleverly avoid all of them, except for a black mutt who was sleeping in the middle of the road. I step on it, the dog gets scared and starts running, waking up the other dogs. As every do has his day, this one got his; the other pooches see him running and run after it, jumping and biting . It will know better then to sleep where I step next time.

It’s 11:30 and I’m tired. I don’t think anything else can happen, well not anything that would make me laugh as much. I’m hoping on some news about the webcam, but I think Jordan is busy planning her revenge on them.

Tomorrow is a new day

Posted in BOFH, POL | No Comments »

Seeing as I, as a BOFH, have not dedicated any time in the arts of bofhing around for some time now, I guess I’ll just (re)start this wall with a POL¹ post.

Recently, I’ve become aware of a few things, like stupid people will be stupid no matter how much credit you want to give them. I know, I know, “weren’t you suppose to be the big bad BOFH, didn’t you know that already ( and did not care )?”

Well kids, sit down on grandads lap so that he might explain this better :

When you’re stuck in a dump for some time, you prefer to sit in your shit hole rather then strive to get out. But the problem is that prolonged exposure to shit-holeness makes people around you notice that you somewhat stink. Anyway, enough foreplay, let’s get down to it :

You get 1 hen-mum, 1 egocentric kid, 2 hypocritical men (and i use the term loosely ), the lovely Jordan and me, The Red Guy…erm BOFH together in a non-technological environment Recipe for disaster, right ?

WELL yes : people can be so fucking stupid that it amuses me to the marrow of my bones, the point here being that I can notice human stupidity even without a keyboard at hand.

So point one : Egocentric kid dares to try to ‘rat’ out my Jordan to me for random reasons. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I WOULD CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID WHINES, I mean to be frank, what would the benefits be ? A quick oral( and by oral I mean a long and somewhat intelligent discussion ) in the back yard ? Cleaning and washing my house ? Cooking? NO . BUUUT I, ofcourse, can side with you, being idiotical as you are, just to piss my Jordan off. Hmm yeah, and you get offended if I tell you to bugger off.

Point two : I seldom join a discussion, most times it’s because I prefer not to get stung by the stupidity virus, or risk a neverendingstory(tm) about something that doesn’t interest me ( thus waste time ), but today I decided to try to be a good host and pitch in my ( rather valuable ) 2c. So if I allow you to bask in the fruit of my never-ending wise verbalised thoughts, why do you dare, YOU PUNY MORTALS, to force your own STUPID INEXPERIENCED OPINION ?  Being an expert in so many fields, you know that when a BOFH says something, that something IS. Retribution will come

Point three : A Lake is a Lake by any other name, the next person who doesn’t agree with that will be in direct violation of Point Two( yes, you can keep them as a sort-of baseline for reading this ) . A puddle will be a Lake for crickets as a Lake is an Ocean for a toddler so who the fuck is anybody to mess with ones perception and views ? WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU SEE if you are on a ladder and I’m on a sky scraper ?

Point four : People shouldn’t put their faith in the shallow lair of ice on top of the lake that is personality, although it’s there to defend the life underground, there is no telling when it’ll crack and you guys will get back to being up the proverbial creek without a paddle, In case you didn’t get it I’m back.

Movie Time

1) Perspective On Life

Tags: BOFH
Posted in BOFH, Going Mental, POL | No Comments »