Bastard's Thoughts

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Hello dear Chinese and Russian spammers ( the only persons that read my blog apparently -> checked the logs <- ) . Without adding to the already unnecessary introduction I give you this, today in my eyes

I woke up to go to work, seeing that my better half was in a good morning mood ( well she actually wasn’t awake, per say, but somewhat conscious ) I got that as a start for a good day. Last night I parked my car closer to where we live so ofcourse I was expecting a reaction for my dim-witted action. I got it in the form of a long key hello on my newly fixed car’s left side.  Well at least now it goes with the scratch on the other side, not the same colour but as I told Jordan, I’ve always wanted a multi-coloured car, now I have it.

Went to work, where I found out the true meaning of boredom. I’m not the official bofh there but hell, I just had to do it. Seeing the Korean GM name-tagged Diana from a mistake on the PBX is truly priceless.

After the long 4h of work Jordan told me that she found somebody even stupider than our neighbours ( and trust me, I’ve never believed that a primate can stoop that low. ) Her mum’s neighbours installed a webcam to monitor the stray cats from their backyard. Guys, let me give you a tip here, THE CATS ARE STRAY, although natural selection is not fair ( you guys can be called, by social standards, people ) they won’t die if you don’t feed them and encourage them to pee everywhere. If you like them that much take them in ( thus un-straying them ) . You will solve the neighbourhood cat issue, get friendly neighbours outside your house and no robbers ( or any other people ) inside – 10x cat pee yummm. I can only imagine that you like the ammoniac smell that much anyway, so why wouldn’t you do it ? Is it because you love it so much when they shit on your welcome mat ?

Finally getting home today ( again ) I got a call from the IT manager. To make a clear-up, when I say work I mean that my company gets paid $$$ to send me to do some random shit for other companies;when I say the IT manager, I am refereeing  to the guy that pays the bills. So anyway, the guy tells me that although they need my companies’ services there and although they like me, the GM can’t pay us for the full 5 days, but he feels guilty so he will pay me instead. What could I do now ? I cba ignore that so I took the money.

Basically, I got paid for drinking coffee, waking up at 7:30 and helping a user fix the microwave oven. I think that the latter was the key. Anyway I’ve got a fun idea for money investment right now.

Again, I go towards home, wondering what is going to happen next, the answer soon comes: nowhere to park. FUCK IT, I move my car out back to where it’s safe. Safe for the car, not for pedestrians. The place is packed with dogs ( this being one of the reasons I park somewhere else when Jordan is near ) I cleverly avoid all of them, except for a black mutt who was sleeping in the middle of the road. I step on it, the dog gets scared and starts running, waking up the other dogs. As every do has his day, this one got his; the other pooches see him running and run after it, jumping and biting . It will know better then to sleep where I step next time.

It’s 11:30 and I’m tired. I don’t think anything else can happen, well not anything that would make me laugh as much. I’m hoping on some news about the webcam, but I think Jordan is busy planning her revenge on them.

Tomorrow is a new day

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I’ve been having a tough time writing for the past few days, it is clear to me that I should find some time for the mere mortals that praise my existence and listen to my words but meh, what can I do; I’ve been slacking.

Back to the subject at hand, of retards :

Once I had this friend that told me that “when dealing with animals, the only way to appeal to them is to hit them” . That is so incredibly true. ( I know, I know, mr Bofh is saying that somebody had a good line and he respects it, WTF OMG BBQ, but no, I am just giving credit where credit is due. )

So I go out this morning and find my car with a flat tire. Nothing wrong with that ? WRONG, neighbours decided that it was time for my car to suffer just because they have nothing better to do then to have territorial fights with me for a parking spot. Ok guys, here is a piece of advice for you ( although I doubt you can understand this ) : If you wanna mark  your territory AND do it like animals BUT you find yourselves in a ’somewhat’ upright position, giving birth to live cubs and feeding them through your mammary glands, my advice is to try to do it like monkeys, shit and throw your feeces at my car. At least I’d know what it was all about;  I know I’ve promoted you to the state of primates but what can I do, you look the part.

As the day unfolded I had to repair the car and, by golly you won’t believe it, it costs about 20E to change my (already new ) tires .

Sooo what shall mr Bofh do now kids ? well I could just slash the guy’s tires BUT I think I’ll do something else in exchange, I’ll cut everyone else’s tires and give them something to look forward to tomorrow morning.

In other news, I’m starting martial arts today. I know, slacking is nicer, but it’s time for a change.

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