Bastard's Thoughts

(but do it anyway)

In normal circumstances there would be a sort-of big list of stuff that I would much rather write OR CARE about BUT the fact of the matter is : TODAY, I’ve just finished my last sitcom so I’m guessing I have about 15 minutes of free time . For those of you who are interested in my other waste-time-till-I-browse-for-new-shows subjects I will post a short but accurate list later on.

I think this is a funny phenomenon, As a somewhat senior member of the ‘blog comunity’ I’ve started seeing more and more retarded SLOGs¹.

I know, I know, But mr BOFH, why do you waste your time with recently sms-semi-evolved cretins ? Well, because I’m swamped by adverts, visually raped daily, and unable to motivate myself into fucking-up those retarded-idiotical-I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT LIFE BECAUSE I HAVE A SECRET VAGlINA AND I STICK MY PENIS IN MY MOUTH TO REACH IT-grammar impaired-bloggers. Then again, the internet is where it is today because of them; you see little kids, the internet was not always full of useless bullshit, in a time long past you had pertinent data, accurate information and HUMOUR ( not to mention quality porn, not the now-so-popular “FAT CHICKS ON COW HUMPING A DOG WITH A DILDO” ); but then the bloggers came, well actually, 8 years ago there were only a handful of people that had the nerve to say what’s on their mind and when they did it, it was SRSBZNS . Then the posers came, seeing that censorship wasn’t available on the internet and some guys just wanted to make some money, every retard and his uncle got a place to rant on the interweb . So there you have it, nothing-to-say heaven.

Ok my views are somewhat liberal but still, if the status of things would have not evolved into everybody spamming visual adds to hers or hers ( no, not his, they ALL HAVE VAGINAS ) blogs, I guess I could have accepted it, BUT as I said earlier I LITERALLY GET EYE-RAPED by all those crapsites. I guess I could rant on about this for hours but seeing as I have 8 more minutes left, I’ll just spit it out :

Point one) IF you have something to say, go tell your dog, don’t waste precious IP space (it is limited, you know ) with your useless thoughts, better yet, if you’re so depressed, listen to Tokio Hotel, cut your veins( up -> down not left->right ), OR if you’re not feeling that suicidal ( and try cutting left to right )  try to cut your ligaments, at least that way you won’t be able to say anything.

Point two)IF you insist on showing us you have a VAGINA don’t try to act all masculine using men-names, nobody likes a butch .

Point three)IF you don’t have a mother to talk to, a dog to fuck, a cat to scream to, or a (wo)man to argue with, and JUST NEED TO GET YOUR EMOTIONAL BULLSHIT OUT, just go spank the monkey :

• IT SAVES TIME  : – the 5 hours you spend writing your 5 lines of text are cut down to 20 seconds of gently petting
• IT IS ASTHMATIC-FRIENDLY : – God kills a cat everytime you masturbate
• ECOLOGICAL : -you won’t kill the internet -> waste not, want not
• USEFUL : – click me

Point four)Don’t abuse my generous GENEROUS patience with IMs about your blog, i’m going out on a limb here but if you do *you just prove you’re even dumber then I thought you were, and that says a lot about you*

Wait a minute, our time is up for today but check again soon for more words of wise from my infinite knowledge sack.

1)Sob Blog

Posted in Going Mental | 2 Comments »

Seeing as I, as a BOFH, have not dedicated any time in the arts of bofhing around for some time now, I guess I’ll just (re)start this wall with a POL¹ post.

Recently, I’ve become aware of a few things, like stupid people will be stupid no matter how much credit you want to give them. I know, I know, “weren’t you suppose to be the big bad BOFH, didn’t you know that already ( and did not care )?”

Well kids, sit down on grandads lap so that he might explain this better :

When you’re stuck in a dump for some time, you prefer to sit in your shit hole rather then strive to get out. But the problem is that prolonged exposure to shit-holeness makes people around you notice that you somewhat stink. Anyway, enough foreplay, let’s get down to it :

You get 1 hen-mum, 1 egocentric kid, 2 hypocritical men (and i use the term loosely ), the lovely Jordan and me, The Red Guy…erm BOFH together in a non-technological environment Recipe for disaster, right ?

WELL yes : people can be so fucking stupid that it amuses me to the marrow of my bones, the point here being that I can notice human stupidity even without a keyboard at hand.

So point one : Egocentric kid dares to try to ‘rat’ out my Jordan to me for random reasons. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I WOULD CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID WHINES, I mean to be frank, what would the benefits be ? A quick oral( and by oral I mean a long and somewhat intelligent discussion ) in the back yard ? Cleaning and washing my house ? Cooking? NO . BUUUT I, ofcourse, can side with you, being idiotical as you are, just to piss my Jordan off. Hmm yeah, and you get offended if I tell you to bugger off.

Point two : I seldom join a discussion, most times it’s because I prefer not to get stung by the stupidity virus, or risk a neverendingstory(tm) about something that doesn’t interest me ( thus waste time ), but today I decided to try to be a good host and pitch in my ( rather valuable ) 2c. So if I allow you to bask in the fruit of my never-ending wise verbalised thoughts, why do you dare, YOU PUNY MORTALS, to force your own STUPID INEXPERIENCED OPINION ?  Being an expert in so many fields, you know that when a BOFH says something, that something IS. Retribution will come

Point three : A Lake is a Lake by any other name, the next person who doesn’t agree with that will be in direct violation of Point Two( yes, you can keep them as a sort-of baseline for reading this ) . A puddle will be a Lake for crickets as a Lake is an Ocean for a toddler so who the fuck is anybody to mess with ones perception and views ? WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU SEE if you are on a ladder and I’m on a sky scraper ?

Point four : People shouldn’t put their faith in the shallow lair of ice on top of the lake that is personality, although it’s there to defend the life underground, there is no telling when it’ll crack and you guys will get back to being up the proverbial creek without a paddle, In case you didn’t get it I’m back.

Movie Time

1) Perspective On Life

Tags: BOFH
Posted in BOFH, Going Mental, POL | No Comments »